How amazing life can be....in the monotony of everyday, there is so much wonderment......if you are paying attention that is! It was so easy to miss while I was working. Between a 50 hour work week, 3 kids, getting to and from all the places that needed getting to and from from, dinner, cleaning, sports, and once in a while, maybe even some sleep, it was hard to see anything other than what was next on my 'to do' list. Now, life is less chaotic. There is time to breath. To see the amazing things that happen everyday. Like Monday night, when we excused my 8 year old from the dinner table and told him to get his shower and my soon to be 2 year old threw his hands up and said 'all done, need shower too'. I still smile just remembering it. You would have to know that my soon to be 2 year old was developmentally delayed in communication. At 18 months he was communicating at an 8 month old level....I know...how can you tell right?!? well there are ways, and they did, and when I stopped working in November, my boy had made some progress, but we were still concerned. and for that Monday night request for a shower...well my friends, that is a miracle of the everyday sort (can I get some credit for the hard work that got us there too though?!?).
Moments like this are what my life is made of now. I live for them. Whether thay are with my kids or the little ones I care for. There is nothing more amazing that witnessing a little person developing. Discovering the world and reaching those milestones. I am so blessed to not have to work (and I secretly detest when people correct me and say I do work, I just work at home....as a working mom, I still did everything I do as a stay at home mommy...I just did it with way fewer hours each week, and I was so busy I didn't get to notice these amazing moments that unfolded before me). Any mommy that gets to stay home with their kids is a lucky mommy....not everybody can afford to do it, and I am so grateful to my hubby for making it possible! I am so grateful that I get to be there to applaud my children's little accomplishments...like when we were at my mom's house and my boy was pulling on the cats leg and saying 'meow'. My mom was distracted by the leg pulling, I was cheering because we had been working on 'cat' from a picture book and he remembered 'cat' and that cats said 'meow'. I mean really though...a cat has 4 legs and 9 lives...let me sacrafice that one leg for that one moment while I celebrate my son's acoomplishment! (the cat wasn't hurt...he didn't use a life or lose a leg). Its something I wouldn't have noticed if I hadn't been home with my boy. Looking back on all that has changed in the months since I have stopped working, I am just overwhelmed and grateful for the life I have been given! It is not perfect...but it was never meant to be! Smiling as I move on to the next thing....soccer practice tonight (and I am loving the soccer mom life!)
Friday, February 10, 2012
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
And I smiled
Last night Vincey made me laugh out loud....literally. He has been at that fun age where, when he is finished with dinner, he feels the need to dump his bowl onto the floor to show that he is literally 'all done'. Apparently dinner is not done until his bowl is empty. We have worked so hard to break him of this habit & yesterday I finally succeeded.....well....sort of. As he was finishing up his meal, he decided he didn't like the bread he had to go with his pasta, so, without saying a word, he lifts his plate and dumps it onto his older brother's as he said 'here'. When half the bread fell onto the table, he used his chunky little fingers to pick each piece up and put it nicely onto his brother's plate. When every last piece was placed safely off of his own plate he lifted his now empty plate with pride as he announced 'all done'.
After dinner, hubby took the boys up to give them a bath. When he came back down, he told me that we had made the right decision by me leaving my job to stay home with the boys. It filled me with so much pride. I have secretly worried that the change in finances would take its toll on him & he would regret our decision, so hearing this was such a blessing. He then told me that the boys were upstairs putting vasaline on their lips when Vincey took the container from daddy and proceeded to put it on himself, then turned to Dom motioning with his lips for Dom to pucker up. When he did, Vincey put vasaline on his lips too. To watch our boys grow, to see Vincey reach milestones he had been so delayed on before.....for it to be such huge leaps so quickly, this is what we are doing it all for. How amazing life is. How wonderful parenthood is. I smile because I live an amazing life, but I am just a soccer mom who lives for her children (with a few moments for me in between). These boys and the things they do, they are the reason I smile & mean it!
After dinner, hubby took the boys up to give them a bath. When he came back down, he told me that we had made the right decision by me leaving my job to stay home with the boys. It filled me with so much pride. I have secretly worried that the change in finances would take its toll on him & he would regret our decision, so hearing this was such a blessing. He then told me that the boys were upstairs putting vasaline on their lips when Vincey took the container from daddy and proceeded to put it on himself, then turned to Dom motioning with his lips for Dom to pucker up. When he did, Vincey put vasaline on his lips too. To watch our boys grow, to see Vincey reach milestones he had been so delayed on before.....for it to be such huge leaps so quickly, this is what we are doing it all for. How amazing life is. How wonderful parenthood is. I smile because I live an amazing life, but I am just a soccer mom who lives for her children (with a few moments for me in between). These boys and the things they do, they are the reason I smile & mean it!
Thursday, January 12, 2012
It could have gone better.
My children make me smile. Its as simple as it gets. Now don't get this confused with me saying that every moment with my children is filled with smiles....far from it. I often use the 'mom look'. The one you use and don't have to utter a word and your children straighten up and stop doing whatever nonsense they had been embarking upon. But my children do fill me with so much joy and meaning that they give me a reason to smile everyday...
On Christmas Eve and Christmas day, my children's excitement was contagious. The beauty and magic that surrounds the whole Christmas season is multiplied in mommyhood. Helping my boys get ready for church, listening as they whisper to each other on the way home about whether that blinking light in the sky is REALLY Santa. I smiled a lot! Christmas morning was filled with more laughter and awe as I learned my 8 year old woke up an hour before anybody else, but didn't wake up his brothers, or even sneak downstairs. He stayed in his room, quietly playing his DS, patiently waiting for everybody to wake up on their own.....(at this point, I was wondering if we should do a maternity test, cuz he did NOT get his patience from me!!). As a matter of fact, not 1 of my 3 boys snuck downstairs until everybody was awake and we embarked on the journey together, as a family. Of course, craziness ensued as 2 of my 3 boys ripped open presents as fast as I was handing them to them....the 3rd boy had no interest in unwrapping whatsoever. He just wanted to play with the toys once his brothers took the paper off. It took about an hour or so to unwrap all that Santa had brought. When I asked Isaiah later that day what his favorite gift was, he said his ticket to Michigan. As a matter of fact, Santa gave us enough tickets that the whole family would be able to take a road trip to be with my family for the week. Isaiah was most excited. He misses Michigan so much....something he reminds me of everyday (quite literally). And he was going to see his Grandma for Christmas, something that he had put in his Santa wish list...for him, it couldn't get any better!
Our Michigan trip didn't go nearly like what we had wanted it to. Looking at the hurt that came to my family through that trip makes me wish Santa hadn't answered Isaiah's wish. I would rather deal with the disappointment of what we 'could' have missed out on, instead of the reality of what we experienced...while it sounds vague....I did realize, for the first time, that, as a mommy, you feel your children's sadness a thousand times deeper than they do. The hurt they feel is worse when you know it could have been avoided. Since we came home on New Year's Day, I have tried to smile and mean it, but there is a lasting sadness that comes with the reality of our experience, the wonder in knowing that it all really happened and wasn't just a terrible dream...the loneliness that comes with being the outcast...the one who is wrong by default. I have stood silent since I left. Holding in my pain and pretending like its ok. Taking refuge in the physical distance that separates me from the pain. I know everybody has their own version of the truth. In my version, I seen sides of people I didn't know existed and I am still shaking my head trying to get the image to leave me. It will be a long time before I come back to Michigan....words spoken in anger hurt, and the people who know you best know how to hurt the worst.
My children have given me a reason to smile everyday...and it is those moments I live for. As I hear their laughter, I know, our lives weren't meant to be perfect every moment....that true happiness isn't a permanent condition, but instead, is an over all feeling made from lots of little moments put together.
Thank God for the little hands that hold my heart....they will be the reason i smile and mean it.
On Christmas Eve and Christmas day, my children's excitement was contagious. The beauty and magic that surrounds the whole Christmas season is multiplied in mommyhood. Helping my boys get ready for church, listening as they whisper to each other on the way home about whether that blinking light in the sky is REALLY Santa. I smiled a lot! Christmas morning was filled with more laughter and awe as I learned my 8 year old woke up an hour before anybody else, but didn't wake up his brothers, or even sneak downstairs. He stayed in his room, quietly playing his DS, patiently waiting for everybody to wake up on their own.....(at this point, I was wondering if we should do a maternity test, cuz he did NOT get his patience from me!!). As a matter of fact, not 1 of my 3 boys snuck downstairs until everybody was awake and we embarked on the journey together, as a family. Of course, craziness ensued as 2 of my 3 boys ripped open presents as fast as I was handing them to them....the 3rd boy had no interest in unwrapping whatsoever. He just wanted to play with the toys once his brothers took the paper off. It took about an hour or so to unwrap all that Santa had brought. When I asked Isaiah later that day what his favorite gift was, he said his ticket to Michigan. As a matter of fact, Santa gave us enough tickets that the whole family would be able to take a road trip to be with my family for the week. Isaiah was most excited. He misses Michigan so much....something he reminds me of everyday (quite literally). And he was going to see his Grandma for Christmas, something that he had put in his Santa wish list...for him, it couldn't get any better!
Our Michigan trip didn't go nearly like what we had wanted it to. Looking at the hurt that came to my family through that trip makes me wish Santa hadn't answered Isaiah's wish. I would rather deal with the disappointment of what we 'could' have missed out on, instead of the reality of what we experienced...while it sounds vague....I did realize, for the first time, that, as a mommy, you feel your children's sadness a thousand times deeper than they do. The hurt they feel is worse when you know it could have been avoided. Since we came home on New Year's Day, I have tried to smile and mean it, but there is a lasting sadness that comes with the reality of our experience, the wonder in knowing that it all really happened and wasn't just a terrible dream...the loneliness that comes with being the outcast...the one who is wrong by default. I have stood silent since I left. Holding in my pain and pretending like its ok. Taking refuge in the physical distance that separates me from the pain. I know everybody has their own version of the truth. In my version, I seen sides of people I didn't know existed and I am still shaking my head trying to get the image to leave me. It will be a long time before I come back to Michigan....words spoken in anger hurt, and the people who know you best know how to hurt the worst.
My children have given me a reason to smile everyday...and it is those moments I live for. As I hear their laughter, I know, our lives weren't meant to be perfect every moment....that true happiness isn't a permanent condition, but instead, is an over all feeling made from lots of little moments put together.
Thank God for the little hands that hold my heart....they will be the reason i smile and mean it.
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